As previously stated, I am a devout Pastafarian. So with the help of the good Captain Morgan I shall attempt to enlighten you.
Religion never interested me, when I say that I mean following a religion never interested me, I found all the different types quite interesting but I never came across anything I genuinely thought I could believe in.
Don't get me wrong, I have always had high admiration for people who strictly follow a religion, it probably takes quite a lot to live that strictly out of choice. I know what you're thinking, how can I say that it must be hard for people to live strictly when I follow a religion myself, well, this is the beauty of Pastafarianism.
Before I start, I must explain how I found my path. I have, again as previously stated, been obsessed with Pirates from a very young age. When i was small I used to tell people I was going to be a pirate when I grew up, (incidentally I also wanted to be Han Solo for a while...I dont know, I had strange ideas as a kid).
So last Christmas, my wonderful Husband bought me
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as a bit of a joke. It is written by Bobby Henderson, the founder of the church, and explains the notion that "God" is actually a Flying Spaghetti Monster, who guides us through life with His Noodly Appendages. (Still with me?)
Anyhow, it turns out that the original Pastafarians were actually pirates, and pirates are His chosen people. Of course upon reading this I was ecstatic, I felt like I had found a part of my life that had been missing, and decided at once to become a member of the church.
I shall quote a little so that you can see exactly why this reliegion, (which is, by the way totally legitimate), Is perfect for me. I am actually ordained as a Minister and could quite easily apply for a license to perfonrm ceremonies.
Firstly, we dont have 10 commandments, He does not like to govern us so strictly, so instead we have the "Eight I'd really rather you didn'ts"
1. I'd really rather you didn't act like
a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly
goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm
not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the
subject.
2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means
to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to
others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water,
not people.
3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way
they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play
nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man
= person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're
talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some
guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4. I'd really
rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your
willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for
anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go fuck yourself,"
unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV
for once and go for a walk for a change.
5. I'd really rather you
didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on
an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
6. I'd really
rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches /
temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could
be better spent (take your pick):
1. Ending poverty
2. Curing diseases
3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you.
You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love
your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
8. I'd really rather you
didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are
into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the
other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take
pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a
piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I
would have added spikes, or something.
Pastafarians have somewhat looser moral standards, but we have strippers and beer volcanoes in our 'heaven'.
If you want to know more, then you can click This Link :)
Enjoy this picture of Him. In all his glory.
